My life is endlessly changing. Yet somehow, at the core of my being, I always seem to remain the same. For example, I don't think I'll ever be able to change how introverted I am. I'll only learn how to manage it. I'm so introverted that they moved me from the girl's house into the house where they host teams. A newer missionary had moved here and she was more fit for the position so they switched me out and asked me to help in other areas instead. They told me on a Tuesday, two weeks upon my return from the states, and I was expected to be out by that Friday. Although I've run through various emotions, in the end, I believe this is a good thing. I was beneficial to the house for the period of time I was there, even if I didn't meet all of their expectations for that position. I miss the girls, but I'm still hoping to be involved with them even if it's just in little ways.
For my new position, Kurt had labeled me in an email as the "North American Coordinator". I am supposed to be helping to interview volunteers, arrange visits with centers we haven't been able to see that often, organize events, and help schedule long term teams when they come in. A week and a half ago the first team I was supposed to coordinate for came in. They are from World Race and will be staying for three months before they go to Africa and then the Philippines. The team is required to take public transportation and they are here to help us in any way.
Until now, I had been forbidden to use public transportation or even walk due to the recent spike in gang activity and shootings. When I had returned from the states on July 30, I was informed that the busses had not been running for the past 3 days because the gangs had shot a bunch of bus drivers. Once I arrived home, one of the girls filled me in on more news telling me that her school was canceled for the next week due to another shooting close to the school. Her school is a couple blocks down from us and we would typically walk there every Sunday to go to church. In spite of this, I am now learning the bus routes as I am riding with the team every day until they get situated. Although this might make some people nervous, I'm honestly excited to have a little bit more freedom.
These past few weeks have continued to carry more challenges. I have made constant corrections as I keep making mistakes and relearning better ways to help them help others. Fortunately the team has been great to work with. There hasn't been anything they haven't been willing to do, they've all treated us and each other kindly, they learn quickly, ask questions, been positive, and completely flexible as I've continued to make and remake plans. My initial response to the sudden realization of everything I was now responsible for looked like this:
Everybody is having fun and being social and I'm sitting in a corner staring off into space. Some might accuse me of hating people or acting like an immature teenager, but in reality my mind is trying to figure out the best way to proceed from here. My brain is flooded with knowledge and ideas and I'm trying to organize all of it in the best way possible. I'm here to help. It's not too important to me what I do, as long as I'm doing it well.
My recent continual prayer has been that God continues to give me grace and that I will remember to give grace to others. It's the type of prayer that I think to myself before I speak or give others instruction. Although I feel overwhelmed at times, I'm excited for the new road ahead. These new challenges are further teaching me how to lead; which is something I had wanted to do better in and had been asking God to help teach me. God is endlessly good to me. Even though I can always be better, I am always enough where I am.
Christina is serving as a missionary in El Salvador. To learn more about her visit her WMA page or her Blog.